I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
