We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
