i think my mom watched the whole time
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
