I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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