***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
