I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
