Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
