my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
two words: eviction party
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize