How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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