And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
