We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
