Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
