he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
