they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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