just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
