gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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