You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
