I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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