I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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