I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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