you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
