4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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