I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
