Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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