I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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