just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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