I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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