Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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