I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize