dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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