The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
