Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
