We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
