also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
