Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
