Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
