There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
