No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
