Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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