You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
