we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
