Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
