listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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