we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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