i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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