Don't you send me to vm
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
