How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
