just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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