but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
