i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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