I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
