Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Someone came in the potted fern
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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