I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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