Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
