I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
