so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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