I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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