There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
