I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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