If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
