He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
