He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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